Goodbye, Dear Friend
December 18th 6:45 AM, 2002, she was gone. Only her body remained. The vessel that carried Chris’ soul no longer served her.
That very moment I look at over and over, not out of a morbid sense of clinging to the pain or to not go on, but to see with open eyes the gifts my horse gave with these words she brought to my ears. "Here, now is the time we worked towards, you are on your own now." Am I selfish? Yes. A part of me did not want her to leave -normal, human emotion- but a part of me knew her immortality, and I simply wanted the comfort of her body as well as her soul.
We all love and will continue to love, it is divine/human nature. The form it takes changes but the content never dies. She was my friend, confidante, and even guardian. She raised me as well as I her; she stood with me, and carried me through many changes. She commented after she crossed, “you underestimate yourself,” she saw the good.
We traveled the roads of trust when we rode. She saw I could do more and tried lovingly to lead me there -sometimes succeeding, sometimes not. She gave me more than I feel I ever gave her. God blessed our lives with the union.
In her later years my friend taught me about dying, living her days with dignity and a quiet acceptance of the process of life. I would have gone to any extreme I could to keep her alive, but she made it clear that that would have been for me and not her. She was ready and gave me no choice but to kiss her goodbye. I felt more love in that one moment than I knew was possible. She gave selflessly, and asked only that I listen. I grew into doing that.
Little did I know she would hold me to that lesson in her death. That last moment broke my heart; it needed to be broken to find all that was so well hidden in the many confines of my protection. It was the only way I could learn to love her spirit without her body.
I love you my dear friend..............