At The Heart of The Matter

  • By Karen Nowak
  • 11 Nov, 2015

The Terror of Being a 61 Year Old Horse Clinic Virgin

I have ridden the same two horses for 30 years. Chris for 14 years and Brandy for twenty-three. Only riding other horse on rare occasions. And none with the level of trust I rode my girls.

Riding more horses would have given me more experience, but it didn't happen.

In July of 2015 I met Sun Spirit, now known as Annie. My third, and most likely final, riding horse. She is kind and gracious. And yes she is very much a horse.

Annie is also the one who led me to my first clinic experience. But more on that after a little background.

Background

In 1987 I bought my first house. The following year Chris, a chestnut roan Appaloosa, came into the picture with this then naive human. 

I was 33 years old, Chris was twelve and my first horse. I had ever ridden until then. I had no reference of understanding to know just how lucky I was.

Chris was afraid of little as we rode miles of trails. She held nothing back and went where I asked with few refusals.

As Chris aged, Brandy, a four year old Morgan mare came into my life.

Arriving with a zest that I had never experienced before. Bold, and curious described her. Chris had taught me much and believed I could handle this bundle of fire. That I did with the help of a dear friend and the many miles we rode together. Each taking turns on this pistol-packing momma.

Brandy didn’t know there was anywhere she couldn’t travel. Or anything she couldn’t try, at least once.

That is until she became ill and close to death from a tick born disease at the age of eight.

Her courage didn't rejoin her for many years. Brandy's boldness didn't save her from what she had been through.

She had experienced a predator she couldn’t see, a minuscule tick. She was never completely the same after that.

She was never as bold after her near death experience. But she regained her forward momentum a few years later.

I have always needed to trust a horse I throw a leg over. And I trusted her with my life, heart, and soul.

Time marched on. Brandy and I got older together. 

Brandy Has Always Spoken Her Mind

A few years ago it became evident that Brandy’s zest for an adventurous life was waining.

It was time for her to retire, no longer being my "Go To Horse" for everything.

Her heart was no longer in it.

I too had softened no longer wanting to fly through the air with the greatest of ease. Tempered by the influence of wisdom I would like to think, with age playing its part.

I went through a deep internal search questioning if this was the end for me too. I came to the realization I was dying inside. The breath of life, that terrified and exhilarated, was slipping away from me.

I went through a deep internal search questioning if this was the end.

Starting again immobilized me. My husband wouldn't let me wallow in the self-pity of age. Encouraging me to start searching in earnest, for the next amazing horse to come into my life.

It is then I began to look for the horse that would continue fueling the passion created by Chris and Brandy.

After a 2 year search and wrestling with my fears Annie, then known as Sun Spirit, came into my life.

We would learn to open, what we each had closed. Together.

Next Week: Confessions of a Horse Clinic Virgin

A HOLISTIC APPROACH to your ANIMAL’s HEALTH CARE

By Karen Nowak 13 Feb, 2017
 Answering this question honestly, and changing yourapproach if necessary, contributes to you building a well-rounded health-care plan for your animal. Waiting until an illness or disease arises places you in a position of reacting, and not in the optimum mind-set to make informed decisions based on research. Creating a holistic approach involves incorporating the concept that both you and your animal are more than just
physical beings. Traditional medicine addresses physical symptoms. Alternative modalities encompass the mental and emotional aspects that present themselves in the body as imbalances, known as diseases.
By Karen Nowak 17 Oct, 2016
I am often asked the question “Why does losing my cat (dog, horse etc) hurt worse than losing humans in my life? I feel guilty because it hurts more.”

When I was asked that question I thought back to the death my horse, Chris, to find the answer.

Her death had left me emotionally devastated. I wasn’t aware of all she had been in my life. Without conditions. The hurt seemed stronger than losing humans I had been close to. It wasn’t until the loss of my parents, that I was able to experience the difference.

Only then could I understand it was judgments I made, and the perspective I took that kept me in emotional pain about the difference.

Chris and I had come together at a pivotal time of personal growth and change. No human knew how insecure I felt on the inside during that time of my life.

I matured in many ways on her back. She had my heart and supported me, as I matured into an adult with a federal job and a mortgage.

I became more confident in many areas of my life, from riding her. I trusted her with my heart and life. She knew me in ways no human could. When on her back our energy fields become one. I could never hide my feelings from her, she always knew what my heart didn’t always want my head to know. Chris knew things about me no human could see. She judged none of it.
By Karen Nowak 17 Oct, 2016
If you have ever had an animal that went missing,even for a few minutes, you have experienced the many emotions that take over.
Finding lost animals is wrought with fear, anxiety, panic and lack of control.

If the animal has escaped to go out on a jaunt it could include joy on their side not on yours. There are as many variables, emotions, and situations as there are animals.

We as the human know the inherent dangers of what could happen. They on the other hand, such as in the case of a Beagle, may be just following a scent. Something they were bred to do, unaware of the dangers that might surround them.
By Karen Nowak 25 Jul, 2016
Rocky and Mia,  brother and sister Puggles, have been at Freedom Reins for about a month now.

Understanding their new life has come at their own pace. Life changed dramatically, the day they were surrendered to the shelter in St Maries ID. That day did not make them victims.
By Karen Nowak 21 Jul, 2016
You may be saying I have read this all before. Yes you have. How much did you commit to when you did? Universal law doesn't let you pick which laws you use and which you ignore to get the life you long for. Okay I am willing to do this, but not that, no,no I don't want to give up that. Just a little bit of it won't affect the outcome. Universal law and clear and we can't pick only what we like as if we are ordering pizza toppings.

Healing yourself, not blaming the outside world, clearing up your language of negativity in all thoughts, forgiving yourself, taking responsibility for what you have created, not judging what you have created, just to name a few are part of transformation to a higher vibration of self. These and many others are imperative to moving into the life you desire.

Healing and balancing your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical bodies is also crucial at this time of unprecedented change.
By Karen Nowak 20 Jun, 2016
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
— Anonymous

Owners of dogs have noticed that, if you provide a dog with food, water, shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide a cat with food, water, shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods.
―Christopher Hitchens, The Portable Atheist: Essential Readings for the Nonbeliever
By Karen Nowak 20 May, 2016

Some will say this is a faery tale, but being about a very real feline, who shall we say does not embody the demure attributes of a faery, It, is simply, a Tale of a Tail.

Charlie, the main feline of this tail, lived with my aunt for many years. Coming in a long line of very large yellow cats my aunt had in her life, all named Charlie, he was of indeterminate age in the records. The Charlie this tale is about was the last my aunt would have on this earth. . My matante and Charlie lived together for many years, always sharing their daily meals. My aunt holding the food in her hand, and Charlie obligingly eating it. They shared an interesting diet. what my Aunt ate, Charlie ate. The selection was large and varied, donuts to water chestnuts, could be found on the menu. Their favorite delectable delight, unanimously voted upon, was most assuredly pepperoni. Hardly a balanced diet for a cat. But both were full and happy, Charlie not being your normal cat. After all, this feline, ALWAYS got what he wanted. Charles Persistent T Cat being his full name.

By Karen Nowak 20 Apr, 2016
These were the words of wisdom that my dog Moxie, originally known as Noni, spoke to me well into our relationship. Moxie was a
Portuguese Water Dog (PWD). What set her apart was that she was born with everything the breed didn’t want. She was improperly coated, had short legs, and a unique head. Some felt she was an embarrassment to the breed and should be euthanized. 

I was living in WoodstockValley, CT when I received the call from the PWD Rescue that they had a female they wanted to place that had “issues,” I didn’t let it deter me. My other PWD had personality to spare and wefelt he would like a companion,as our other dog was very old.
By Karen Nowak 05 Apr, 2016
What language do you use with yourself throughout your life? Is it one based in uncertainty and imperfection? Or, ever growing trust in self?

Wanting and Choosing are Two Different Things
Universal energy does not see wanting something as choosing something. It responds to “wanting” by remaining in a state of wanting.

Implied Additional Meaning
Filling your request with negative connotations will not get you what you desire.

Statements such as “Universe, I don’t want to live in lack. I don’t want be alone, anymore. I am tired of being sick; I don’t want to feel this way anymore” hold implied meaning of what you believe to be true. There is no room for more than one meaning. Your belief, and the feeling attached to it, will always trump, win, and create your reality.
By Karen Nowak 08 Mar, 2016
Do you find yourself saying any of these things or variations thereof when you feel stuck? Often not even knowing the reason.

" Oh, I feel so stuck"
I am so stuck"
I'm stuck and I can't seem to move out of being stuck"

And a million other variations on STUCK, IMMOVABLE energy.
More Posts

A HOLISTIC APPROACH to your ANIMAL’s HEALTH CARE

By Karen Nowak 13 Feb, 2017
 Answering this question honestly, and changing yourapproach if necessary, contributes to you building a well-rounded health-care plan for your animal. Waiting until an illness or disease arises places you in a position of reacting, and not in the optimum mind-set to make informed decisions based on research. Creating a holistic approach involves incorporating the concept that both you and your animal are more than just
physical beings. Traditional medicine addresses physical symptoms. Alternative modalities encompass the mental and emotional aspects that present themselves in the body as imbalances, known as diseases.
By Karen Nowak 17 Oct, 2016
I am often asked the question “Why does losing my cat (dog, horse etc) hurt worse than losing humans in my life? I feel guilty because it hurts more.”

When I was asked that question I thought back to the death my horse, Chris, to find the answer.

Her death had left me emotionally devastated. I wasn’t aware of all she had been in my life. Without conditions. The hurt seemed stronger than losing humans I had been close to. It wasn’t until the loss of my parents, that I was able to experience the difference.

Only then could I understand it was judgments I made, and the perspective I took that kept me in emotional pain about the difference.

Chris and I had come together at a pivotal time of personal growth and change. No human knew how insecure I felt on the inside during that time of my life.

I matured in many ways on her back. She had my heart and supported me, as I matured into an adult with a federal job and a mortgage.

I became more confident in many areas of my life, from riding her. I trusted her with my heart and life. She knew me in ways no human could. When on her back our energy fields become one. I could never hide my feelings from her, she always knew what my heart didn’t always want my head to know. Chris knew things about me no human could see. She judged none of it.
By Karen Nowak 17 Oct, 2016
If you have ever had an animal that went missing,even for a few minutes, you have experienced the many emotions that take over.
Finding lost animals is wrought with fear, anxiety, panic and lack of control.

If the animal has escaped to go out on a jaunt it could include joy on their side not on yours. There are as many variables, emotions, and situations as there are animals.

We as the human know the inherent dangers of what could happen. They on the other hand, such as in the case of a Beagle, may be just following a scent. Something they were bred to do, unaware of the dangers that might surround them.
By Karen Nowak 25 Jul, 2016
Rocky and Mia,  brother and sister Puggles, have been at Freedom Reins for about a month now.

Understanding their new life has come at their own pace. Life changed dramatically, the day they were surrendered to the shelter in St Maries ID. That day did not make them victims.
By Karen Nowak 21 Jul, 2016
You may be saying I have read this all before. Yes you have. How much did you commit to when you did? Universal law doesn't let you pick which laws you use and which you ignore to get the life you long for. Okay I am willing to do this, but not that, no,no I don't want to give up that. Just a little bit of it won't affect the outcome. Universal law and clear and we can't pick only what we like as if we are ordering pizza toppings.

Healing yourself, not blaming the outside world, clearing up your language of negativity in all thoughts, forgiving yourself, taking responsibility for what you have created, not judging what you have created, just to name a few are part of transformation to a higher vibration of self. These and many others are imperative to moving into the life you desire.

Healing and balancing your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical bodies is also crucial at this time of unprecedented change.
By Karen Nowak 20 Jun, 2016
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
— Anonymous

Owners of dogs have noticed that, if you provide a dog with food, water, shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide a cat with food, water, shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods.
―Christopher Hitchens, The Portable Atheist: Essential Readings for the Nonbeliever
By Karen Nowak 20 May, 2016

Some will say this is a faery tale, but being about a very real feline, who shall we say does not embody the demure attributes of a faery, It, is simply, a Tale of a Tail.

Charlie, the main feline of this tail, lived with my aunt for many years. Coming in a long line of very large yellow cats my aunt had in her life, all named Charlie, he was of indeterminate age in the records. The Charlie this tale is about was the last my aunt would have on this earth. . My matante and Charlie lived together for many years, always sharing their daily meals. My aunt holding the food in her hand, and Charlie obligingly eating it. They shared an interesting diet. what my Aunt ate, Charlie ate. The selection was large and varied, donuts to water chestnuts, could be found on the menu. Their favorite delectable delight, unanimously voted upon, was most assuredly pepperoni. Hardly a balanced diet for a cat. But both were full and happy, Charlie not being your normal cat. After all, this feline, ALWAYS got what he wanted. Charles Persistent T Cat being his full name.

By Karen Nowak 20 Apr, 2016
These were the words of wisdom that my dog Moxie, originally known as Noni, spoke to me well into our relationship. Moxie was a
Portuguese Water Dog (PWD). What set her apart was that she was born with everything the breed didn’t want. She was improperly coated, had short legs, and a unique head. Some felt she was an embarrassment to the breed and should be euthanized. 

I was living in WoodstockValley, CT when I received the call from the PWD Rescue that they had a female they wanted to place that had “issues,” I didn’t let it deter me. My other PWD had personality to spare and wefelt he would like a companion,as our other dog was very old.
By Karen Nowak 05 Apr, 2016
What language do you use with yourself throughout your life? Is it one based in uncertainty and imperfection? Or, ever growing trust in self?

Wanting and Choosing are Two Different Things
Universal energy does not see wanting something as choosing something. It responds to “wanting” by remaining in a state of wanting.

Implied Additional Meaning
Filling your request with negative connotations will not get you what you desire.

Statements such as “Universe, I don’t want to live in lack. I don’t want be alone, anymore. I am tired of being sick; I don’t want to feel this way anymore” hold implied meaning of what you believe to be true. There is no room for more than one meaning. Your belief, and the feeling attached to it, will always trump, win, and create your reality.
By Karen Nowak 08 Mar, 2016
Do you find yourself saying any of these things or variations thereof when you feel stuck? Often not even knowing the reason.

" Oh, I feel so stuck"
I am so stuck"
I'm stuck and I can't seem to move out of being stuck"

And a million other variations on STUCK, IMMOVABLE energy.
More Posts
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