I Shouldn’t Feel This Way.

  • By Karen Nowak
  • 17 Oct, 2016

 It’s Only An Animal

I am often asked the question “Why does losing my cat (dog, horse etc) hurt worse than losing humans in my life? I feel guilty because it hurts more.”

When I was asked that question I thought back to the death my horse, Chris, to find the answer.

Her death had left me emotionally devastated. I wasn’t aware of all she had been in my life. Without conditions. The hurt seemed stronger than losing humans I had been close to. It wasn’t until the loss of my parents, that I was able to experience the difference.

Only then could I understand it was judgments I made, and the perspective I took that kept me in emotional pain about the difference.

Chris and I had come together at a pivotal time of personal growth and change. No human knew how insecure I felt on the inside during that time of my life.

I matured in many ways on her back. She had my heart and supported me, as I matured into an adult with a federal job and a mortgage.

I became more confident in many areas of my life, from riding her. I trusted her with my heart and life. She knew me in ways no human could. When on her back our energy fields become one. I could never hide my feelings from her, she always knew what my heart didn’t always want my head to know. Chris knew things about me no human could see. She judged none of it.
My parents didn’t often see me when I was emotionally down, I didn’t want them too. That was reserved for when I was home alone. They were there for me unconditionally as was Chris. Just as we love one person differently than an other, I loved them each as the individuals they were.

Her death marked the end of an era in my life, in a way no human could. What I did everyday changed because I was no longer caring for her physical well being. I no longer had her strong presence in my immediate day to day life.

Until her death I had no idea how deeply she had gone into my heart. She had gotten beyond its protective walls.There was no need to pretend with her. I couldn’t anyway. Even if I tried. She had become a constant in the center of my world.

I did come to realize that there was no guilt when I didn’t judge the difference in how I grieved her death, versus the death of my mother and then my father. My relationship with my parents was different to that of my horse, that’s all. I had moved out of their home many years before their deaths. I loved them with all my heart and soul but I didn’t see them everyday. I wasn’t responsible for them in the way I was for Chris. She depended on me for all her needs.

One Is Not Better Or Worse Than The Other

Our animals are a constant companion. They see us during our highs, lows, and less than stellar moments in our behavior. They are there in moments no one else sees.They see us without the pretenses that accompany human relationships.

They love us, even when we don’t love ourselves. They see us without filters. Humans no matter how much they love us see us through a collection of who they believe us to be, accompanied by expectations of us and more.

When we take the step from childhood to adulthood our relationship with our family evolves out of the dependency we once had on them. We begin to forge our own way in the world. That doesn’t happen with our animals.

Many humans feel a need to place grieving into categories of better or worse than. Believing that grieving for a human should somehow be,in a higher category than animals. While at the same time believing that animals are either equal or better than humans. There is disparity in all those feelings. An inconsistency that doesn’t fit into the expanded possibility that one thing is merely not the same as the other. Society has taught us to grade things in our lives from a perspective of duality, either/or, better/worse and more.

Animals don’t categorize. They like, or don’t like. They grieve without the need, the “should” of how it is acceptably done. They simply grieve. Humans have been taught to rate one thing against another. If our feelings don’t fall into acceptable permitters, that should and shouldn’t dictate, guilt sets in.

Chris had been my other mare Brandy’s, constant companion for most of Brandy’s life.She mourned Chris’ death, without apology. This is one perspective I gratefully adopted from her example. Animals love from a place of purity within them. Even those who have experienced abuse. They love or they don’t.

With our animals we can express love unencumbered by the intricacies we weave into the tapestries of our relationships with humans.

Should and Shouldn’ts Have No Place In Grieving

  • Animals are not less than, or more than, humans.
  • Judging what we feel adds guilt, to an already bruised heart.
  • Allow yourself to feel differently about death and grieving.
  • Grieve by the individual soul you mourn, not by the species they fall into.
  • The hurt in how we love different individuals comes, when we embrace an opinion about ourselves in how were grieving.

I realized when Chris, and subsequently when my parents died, that I grieved them each in a different way. I observed how people were different with me when my parents passed away. With Chris’ only those who had ever had shared their life with an animal, could understand.

One is not better or worse than the other, merely different. I didn’t want “should or shouldn’t” to tell me how I could feel during either time. It didn’t belong there.

To Make an appointment with Karen for any of her services click here.

A HOLISTIC APPROACH to your ANIMAL’s HEALTH CARE

By Karen Nowak 13 Feb, 2017
 Answering this question honestly, and changing yourapproach if necessary, contributes to you building a well-rounded health-care plan for your animal. Waiting until an illness or disease arises places you in a position of reacting, and not in the optimum mind-set to make informed decisions based on research. Creating a holistic approach involves incorporating the concept that both you and your animal are more than just
physical beings. Traditional medicine addresses physical symptoms. Alternative modalities encompass the mental and emotional aspects that present themselves in the body as imbalances, known as diseases.
By Karen Nowak 17 Oct, 2016
I am often asked the question “Why does losing my cat (dog, horse etc) hurt worse than losing humans in my life? I feel guilty because it hurts more.”

When I was asked that question I thought back to the death my horse, Chris, to find the answer.

Her death had left me emotionally devastated. I wasn’t aware of all she had been in my life. Without conditions. The hurt seemed stronger than losing humans I had been close to. It wasn’t until the loss of my parents, that I was able to experience the difference.

Only then could I understand it was judgments I made, and the perspective I took that kept me in emotional pain about the difference.

Chris and I had come together at a pivotal time of personal growth and change. No human knew how insecure I felt on the inside during that time of my life.

I matured in many ways on her back. She had my heart and supported me, as I matured into an adult with a federal job and a mortgage.

I became more confident in many areas of my life, from riding her. I trusted her with my heart and life. She knew me in ways no human could. When on her back our energy fields become one. I could never hide my feelings from her, she always knew what my heart didn’t always want my head to know. Chris knew things about me no human could see. She judged none of it.
By Karen Nowak 17 Oct, 2016
If you have ever had an animal that went missing,even for a few minutes, you have experienced the many emotions that take over.
Finding lost animals is wrought with fear, anxiety, panic and lack of control.

If the animal has escaped to go out on a jaunt it could include joy on their side not on yours. There are as many variables, emotions, and situations as there are animals.

We as the human know the inherent dangers of what could happen. They on the other hand, such as in the case of a Beagle, may be just following a scent. Something they were bred to do, unaware of the dangers that might surround them.
By Karen Nowak 25 Jul, 2016
Rocky and Mia,  brother and sister Puggles, have been at Freedom Reins for about a month now.

Understanding their new life has come at their own pace. Life changed dramatically, the day they were surrendered to the shelter in St Maries ID. That day did not make them victims.
By Karen Nowak 21 Jul, 2016
You may be saying I have read this all before. Yes you have. How much did you commit to when you did? Universal law doesn't let you pick which laws you use and which you ignore to get the life you long for. Okay I am willing to do this, but not that, no,no I don't want to give up that. Just a little bit of it won't affect the outcome. Universal law and clear and we can't pick only what we like as if we are ordering pizza toppings.

Healing yourself, not blaming the outside world, clearing up your language of negativity in all thoughts, forgiving yourself, taking responsibility for what you have created, not judging what you have created, just to name a few are part of transformation to a higher vibration of self. These and many others are imperative to moving into the life you desire.

Healing and balancing your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical bodies is also crucial at this time of unprecedented change.
By Karen Nowak 20 Jun, 2016
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
— Anonymous

Owners of dogs have noticed that, if you provide a dog with food, water, shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide a cat with food, water, shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods.
―Christopher Hitchens, The Portable Atheist: Essential Readings for the Nonbeliever
By Karen Nowak 20 May, 2016

Some will say this is a faery tale, but being about a very real feline, who shall we say does not embody the demure attributes of a faery, It, is simply, a Tale of a Tail.

Charlie, the main feline of this tail, lived with my aunt for many years. Coming in a long line of very large yellow cats my aunt had in her life, all named Charlie, he was of indeterminate age in the records. The Charlie this tale is about was the last my aunt would have on this earth. . My matante and Charlie lived together for many years, always sharing their daily meals. My aunt holding the food in her hand, and Charlie obligingly eating it. They shared an interesting diet. what my Aunt ate, Charlie ate. The selection was large and varied, donuts to water chestnuts, could be found on the menu. Their favorite delectable delight, unanimously voted upon, was most assuredly pepperoni. Hardly a balanced diet for a cat. But both were full and happy, Charlie not being your normal cat. After all, this feline, ALWAYS got what he wanted. Charles Persistent T Cat being his full name.

By Karen Nowak 20 Apr, 2016
These were the words of wisdom that my dog Moxie, originally known as Noni, spoke to me well into our relationship. Moxie was a
Portuguese Water Dog (PWD). What set her apart was that she was born with everything the breed didn’t want. She was improperly coated, had short legs, and a unique head. Some felt she was an embarrassment to the breed and should be euthanized. 

I was living in WoodstockValley, CT when I received the call from the PWD Rescue that they had a female they wanted to place that had “issues,” I didn’t let it deter me. My other PWD had personality to spare and wefelt he would like a companion,as our other dog was very old.
By Karen Nowak 05 Apr, 2016
What language do you use with yourself throughout your life? Is it one based in uncertainty and imperfection? Or, ever growing trust in self?

Wanting and Choosing are Two Different Things
Universal energy does not see wanting something as choosing something. It responds to “wanting” by remaining in a state of wanting.

Implied Additional Meaning
Filling your request with negative connotations will not get you what you desire.

Statements such as “Universe, I don’t want to live in lack. I don’t want be alone, anymore. I am tired of being sick; I don’t want to feel this way anymore” hold implied meaning of what you believe to be true. There is no room for more than one meaning. Your belief, and the feeling attached to it, will always trump, win, and create your reality.
By Karen Nowak 08 Mar, 2016
Do you find yourself saying any of these things or variations thereof when you feel stuck? Often not even knowing the reason.

" Oh, I feel so stuck"
I am so stuck"
I'm stuck and I can't seem to move out of being stuck"

And a million other variations on STUCK, IMMOVABLE energy.
More Posts

A HOLISTIC APPROACH to your ANIMAL’s HEALTH CARE

By Karen Nowak 13 Feb, 2017
 Answering this question honestly, and changing yourapproach if necessary, contributes to you building a well-rounded health-care plan for your animal. Waiting until an illness or disease arises places you in a position of reacting, and not in the optimum mind-set to make informed decisions based on research. Creating a holistic approach involves incorporating the concept that both you and your animal are more than just
physical beings. Traditional medicine addresses physical symptoms. Alternative modalities encompass the mental and emotional aspects that present themselves in the body as imbalances, known as diseases.
By Karen Nowak 17 Oct, 2016
I am often asked the question “Why does losing my cat (dog, horse etc) hurt worse than losing humans in my life? I feel guilty because it hurts more.”

When I was asked that question I thought back to the death my horse, Chris, to find the answer.

Her death had left me emotionally devastated. I wasn’t aware of all she had been in my life. Without conditions. The hurt seemed stronger than losing humans I had been close to. It wasn’t until the loss of my parents, that I was able to experience the difference.

Only then could I understand it was judgments I made, and the perspective I took that kept me in emotional pain about the difference.

Chris and I had come together at a pivotal time of personal growth and change. No human knew how insecure I felt on the inside during that time of my life.

I matured in many ways on her back. She had my heart and supported me, as I matured into an adult with a federal job and a mortgage.

I became more confident in many areas of my life, from riding her. I trusted her with my heart and life. She knew me in ways no human could. When on her back our energy fields become one. I could never hide my feelings from her, she always knew what my heart didn’t always want my head to know. Chris knew things about me no human could see. She judged none of it.
By Karen Nowak 17 Oct, 2016
If you have ever had an animal that went missing,even for a few minutes, you have experienced the many emotions that take over.
Finding lost animals is wrought with fear, anxiety, panic and lack of control.

If the animal has escaped to go out on a jaunt it could include joy on their side not on yours. There are as many variables, emotions, and situations as there are animals.

We as the human know the inherent dangers of what could happen. They on the other hand, such as in the case of a Beagle, may be just following a scent. Something they were bred to do, unaware of the dangers that might surround them.
By Karen Nowak 25 Jul, 2016
Rocky and Mia,  brother and sister Puggles, have been at Freedom Reins for about a month now.

Understanding their new life has come at their own pace. Life changed dramatically, the day they were surrendered to the shelter in St Maries ID. That day did not make them victims.
By Karen Nowak 21 Jul, 2016
You may be saying I have read this all before. Yes you have. How much did you commit to when you did? Universal law doesn't let you pick which laws you use and which you ignore to get the life you long for. Okay I am willing to do this, but not that, no,no I don't want to give up that. Just a little bit of it won't affect the outcome. Universal law and clear and we can't pick only what we like as if we are ordering pizza toppings.

Healing yourself, not blaming the outside world, clearing up your language of negativity in all thoughts, forgiving yourself, taking responsibility for what you have created, not judging what you have created, just to name a few are part of transformation to a higher vibration of self. These and many others are imperative to moving into the life you desire.

Healing and balancing your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical bodies is also crucial at this time of unprecedented change.
By Karen Nowak 20 Jun, 2016
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
— Anonymous

Owners of dogs have noticed that, if you provide a dog with food, water, shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide a cat with food, water, shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods.
―Christopher Hitchens, The Portable Atheist: Essential Readings for the Nonbeliever
By Karen Nowak 20 May, 2016

Some will say this is a faery tale, but being about a very real feline, who shall we say does not embody the demure attributes of a faery, It, is simply, a Tale of a Tail.

Charlie, the main feline of this tail, lived with my aunt for many years. Coming in a long line of very large yellow cats my aunt had in her life, all named Charlie, he was of indeterminate age in the records. The Charlie this tale is about was the last my aunt would have on this earth. . My matante and Charlie lived together for many years, always sharing their daily meals. My aunt holding the food in her hand, and Charlie obligingly eating it. They shared an interesting diet. what my Aunt ate, Charlie ate. The selection was large and varied, donuts to water chestnuts, could be found on the menu. Their favorite delectable delight, unanimously voted upon, was most assuredly pepperoni. Hardly a balanced diet for a cat. But both were full and happy, Charlie not being your normal cat. After all, this feline, ALWAYS got what he wanted. Charles Persistent T Cat being his full name.

By Karen Nowak 20 Apr, 2016
These were the words of wisdom that my dog Moxie, originally known as Noni, spoke to me well into our relationship. Moxie was a
Portuguese Water Dog (PWD). What set her apart was that she was born with everything the breed didn’t want. She was improperly coated, had short legs, and a unique head. Some felt she was an embarrassment to the breed and should be euthanized. 

I was living in WoodstockValley, CT when I received the call from the PWD Rescue that they had a female they wanted to place that had “issues,” I didn’t let it deter me. My other PWD had personality to spare and wefelt he would like a companion,as our other dog was very old.
By Karen Nowak 05 Apr, 2016
What language do you use with yourself throughout your life? Is it one based in uncertainty and imperfection? Or, ever growing trust in self?

Wanting and Choosing are Two Different Things
Universal energy does not see wanting something as choosing something. It responds to “wanting” by remaining in a state of wanting.

Implied Additional Meaning
Filling your request with negative connotations will not get you what you desire.

Statements such as “Universe, I don’t want to live in lack. I don’t want be alone, anymore. I am tired of being sick; I don’t want to feel this way anymore” hold implied meaning of what you believe to be true. There is no room for more than one meaning. Your belief, and the feeling attached to it, will always trump, win, and create your reality.
By Karen Nowak 08 Mar, 2016
Do you find yourself saying any of these things or variations thereof when you feel stuck? Often not even knowing the reason.

" Oh, I feel so stuck"
I am so stuck"
I'm stuck and I can't seem to move out of being stuck"

And a million other variations on STUCK, IMMOVABLE energy.
More Posts
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